A day in the life

By Mark on Tuesday 8 November 2005 at 15:44

Right, so I've had a stinking cold all week, and it's been a bit of a crap one, thus haven't written a lot.

Looking through some old web stuff though, and I found an old bit I wrote about the trials of being a designer (which I'm not really anymore, thank the lord). It's in the form of an email conversation, which although fictional, is fairly typical...

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From: bob@nodesignsensewhatsoever.com
To: markb@falseemailyoubastardspammers.com
Subject: Latest page designs

Hi, we all loved the designs you sent through, there's just a few small changes before we can sign off on them:

1) Regarding all the page heading images we approved last week - we don't like them anymore.

Can you do all 35 again, but this time with green text on a bright orange background (we've sent you a bit of paper in the post which is the right colour)?

We realise that this goes against all your advice, but surely it can't hurt to have a few more colours to 'jazz it up' a bit?

2) Although you are our designer and we are employing you solely for this purpose, we feel that our 77 year old managing director has a much better idea of what is current in web design than you, and so will be implementing his proposal to use animated GIF pictures from the Microsoft Clipart CD for all our buttons and logos.

However, he doesn't see so well these days, so we'll have to make everything much bigger too - that shouldn't be too much of a problem though, should it.

We know you had previously designed buttons that fitted in with the rest of the site, but they just weren't 'zappy' enough - not enough different colours again I suppose!

Could you do all this by tomorrow and mail us back? We're keen to get the site live and it's just this that's holding us up now really.

Regards,

Bob,
NoDesignSenseWhatsoever LTD

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From: markb@falseemailyoubastardspammers.com
To: bob@nodesignsensewhatsoever.com
Subject: Latest page designs

Hi Bob,

The edited design is now there; however, I suggest you wear dark glasses before viewing it. In fact, as a precaution, turn down the brightness on your monitor and please refrain from letting anyone who suffers from epilepsy look directly at the screen.

Also, I regret to inform you that I will be leaving the company as of tomorrow, and so will be handing over responsibility for your project to a colleague. I myself am off to pursue a less stressful career as a mediator between Iraqi terrorist insurgent groups and the installed government; as long as I never hear the words 'jazzy' or 'zappy' again it will all be fine.

Fuck off,
Me

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