But Wait. What's This? Another Post From Stu? Something Must Be Amiss

By Stu on Sunday 17 December 2006 at 01:33

Images for this post:

And sure as eggs is eggs (?), something is amiss.

I got up this morning thinking I would do the washing up that Pablo (hang your head in shame) had not done all the time I was away (see previous post). Our sink is the easily blockable type so I removed the plastic grey wash basin thingy that you can get from all good retailers which incidently was full of un-washed washing up (I am not one to gripe), and put it to one side. Well, I say I put it to one side after I had moved the other pile of unwashed dishes, glasses and assorted tupperware paraphenalia. After I had returned from the toilet after inhaling the fetid water which was murking around in our blocked sink, I noticed a small darkened body rising through the murk. What could this be, I thought to myself.

As it slowly made to surface I relalised it was a small rodent. A mouse to be precise. After anothe brief sojourn to our restroom to hack up what was left in the pit of my stomach, I poked it for a bit with one of Pablo's chopsticks, made friends and even found out a little about its short pre-drowning in the scum of our sink life. It said it was called Nigel.

I have now come to view Nigel as something as a friend. No, that's a little too strong. A co-flatmate, shall we say, during these wintery days.

So you see nothing is exactly wrong with the situation in our flat. But something is amiss. Can you guess what it is? (And I will try marks html witch-sorcery here for effect).

WE HAVE A FUCKING DEAD MOUSE IN OUR FUCKING SINK!

Pablo, hang your head in further shame, and then still more shame, until you feel at one with the world of shame.

Here are some pictures - please please, although you won't get the smell, remember where your nearest toilet may be before viewing.

44 comments:

On Sunday 17 December 2006 at 11:25, carly said:

Pablo, you should be ashamed!!! Stuart told me all about it last night and he was in a right mess! He was discusted!!! He showed me the picture on his phone and it wasn't pretty!!! Mental note, never go to Pablos for tea when Stuart isn't there!

RIP Nigel!!!!

On Sunday 17 December 2006 at 12:05, Matt said:

Stu, log back in and edit your post. Get one of these where you want the boldness to end. It appears to be running over in to everything after it. Then delete this comment before Mark realises you broke his internetting.

On Sunday 17 December 2006 at 13:12, stu said:

all done. its all a little too much for me at the moment

On Sunday 17 December 2006 at 13:17, Katie said:

Oh-my-god
cut in the prime of life....he was only trying to master his breaststroke and then bang...killed by a stray bit of pasta floating by...poor little scrap.
anyone for a game of mousetrap??

On Sunday 17 December 2006 at 17:44, Matt said:

What's the orange stuff floating about - is that mouse juice? And what have you done with “the body”? Can we have an autopsy, perhaps we can determine the TOD. It would be interesting to know how long its been there.

Stu, I suggest you put its severed head on Pablo's pillow while he sleeps. That'll teach him. It'll be like that bit with the horse in the Godfather, only with less blood I suppose.

Sleep tight, Pablo. Don't let the bed bugs bite. And by bed bugs I mean the bloated festering heads of drowned mice.

On Sunday 17 December 2006 at 18:47, Masked Avenger said:

Do not report this matter to the authorities (unless there were signs of a struggle or sexual abuse). Immediately place Nigel on the electoral register and then claim council tax benefit on his behalf.

On Sunday 17 December 2006 at 18:48, pablo said:

it should be you hanfging your head in shame Stu, as you decide to buggar off to Newyork and leave a conciderable amount of washing up, which i did on the evening of your departure and having dirtied several dishes during your absence did the dishes no less than 4 time while you were away. The dishes that were left were there no longer than Thursday nite, and subsequently Graham (a much better name for a mouse) probably left this world for a better existance while you were in the house. Also i vacumed the whole house (properly) and put up some xmas decorations while you were away.

On Sunday 17 December 2006 at 18:51, pablo said:

OOh and bad luck Everton maybe next time

On Sunday 17 December 2006 at 22:28, bitter blue said:

proper fans know which day their team plays on. proper teams don't buy leagues.

On Sunday 17 December 2006 at 23:55, nigel said:

I wish that i never tried to eat that pasta. I send my love to my 67 girlfriends and 304 children who are now running around your house.

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 00:01, stu said:

Also, are you trying to infere that i planted a dead mouse in my own sink after coming brack from holiday? Are you insane?

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 04:55, Kate New York said:

Pablo! Nigel! Stu! this is a horrible situation. I can only think Pablo you have orchestrated this deliberately as a welcome home prank? Perhaps the mouse is plastic? Stu, stick a dead dog in his bed.

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 10:11, billybean said:

The question you should be asking is 'Why is their a fucking mouse in our fucking flat in the first place?' You dirty, dirty bastard(s)!

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 11:16, St Martin's Theatre-goer said:

Pablo, I can only assume your response was part of a portfolio you are putting together to convince the authorities that you are serious about the operation. You need to be aware that they do normally require you to live as a member of the opposite sex for a year before they will consider full surgical re-orientation.

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 12:39, carly said:

Pablo, did you do it on purpose?

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 13:05, billybean said:

The colloquial expression “as sure as eggs is eggs”, meaning absolutely certain, probably comes from the mathematical expression x = x.

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 14:35, Mark said:

A question: does it not say something about our group of friends that despite the fact you've just been to New York (and written about it on this site), most people have instead chosen to comment on the post about a dead mouse?

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 15:55, carly said:

oh Mark that is so true!! I think its funny though! Poor mouse and poor Stuart!

Is Nigel coming out on Thursday?

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 16:03, Johnny Appleseed said:

Nachos and toilets, the case for the defence rests.

“If it's far away, it's news, but if it's close at home, it's sociology”
James Reston

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 17:09, pablo said:

what do you mean poor Stuart Carly?? and Stu was joking when he said that i might have meant that he did it on purpose. Also bitterblue, not quite sure what you meant about a proper fan knowing when there team plays? and the mice come up from down stairs

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 17:12, pablo said:

were you that bored at work Billy that you went on some fact website to find out the meaning of “as sure as eggs is eggs”??

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 18:59, stu said:

the boy is right billybillybillybean, you have far to much time on your hands and I for one doubt seriously that you knew that already, if indeed it is true.

Bitter blue, you intelligent well-bred young man, you. How can you have heard my mobile telephone conversation with darth dan, when Pablo was clearly heard to ask on Saturday “Has Chelsea and Everton played yet”. And Dan, even more of a fan, asked me what the Liverpool score was?
To be fair to Dan, we whittled it down to the fact that he doesnt really like Liverpool, or football, but is just a fan of the colour red.

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 19:03, bitter blue said:

Also, check this skill from our finest midfielder. The wanker.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22KCxLmfK6U&feature=PlayList&p=70AA2E3E1B25DDA8&index=7

Mourinho, we shall see you in court.

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 19:14, D said:

Pablo, did you really do the dishes 4 times? Are you OK? That is such an unbelievable number of times to do the dishes that it was definitely worth stating to back up your case.

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 20:34, Jack said:

Stop before this finds its way onto a search engine .The adverse publicity will cripple my Mouse diving charter company! If you could return his ickle snorkle and waterwings it would be appeciated.

On Monday 18 December 2006 at 23:55, carly said:

Sorry Pablo, but I saw Stuart moments after the discovery, he was a broken man!!! I had to feel sorry for him, he needed me for the support. He was deeply troubled and disturbed by the whole incident.

I am sure you are troubled too Pablo. I will be there to offer you the support you need next time we meet!
Also can you come to mine and do my washing up?

On Tuesday 19 December 2006 at 10:16, billybean said:

How did those fucking black socks, which were never mine in the first place, end up at my house? You pair of fucking bastards.

On Tuesday 19 December 2006 at 11:42, carly said:

I think I may write a song about Nigel.

On Tuesday 19 December 2006 at 12:15, carly said:

There is a mouse in the sink
There is a mouse in the sink
There is a mouse in the sink
and his name is Nigel.

The mouse was hungry
The mouse was hungry
The mouse was hungry
His name was Nigel.


Poor Nigel,
death by pasta and water
what did he do wrong?
We must think of his poor daughter

The mouse is dead
The mouse is dead
The mouse is dead
and his name was Nigel.

He was found amongst the cutlry
so we now must feel sorry,
for the spider at home
who is now in my trouser leg, totally alone.

The mouse is dead
The mouse is dead
The mouse is dead
and his name was Nigel.

On Tuesday 19 December 2006 at 13:33, Mark said:

Mad as a box of frogs.

On Tuesday 19 December 2006 at 18:29, Matt said:

Did I just hear someone say crack? Because I didn't. Nope, not me. I definitely didn't hear anyone say “is she proper fucking mental or just on crack?"

The girl's either mad or both.

On Tuesday 19 December 2006 at 19:22, pablo said:

crack

On Tuesday 19 December 2006 at 21:56, Rach said:

I have been doing an indepth study on the subject for some time now and I have come to a frightening conclusion... no crack is involved.

Official Verdict - 'Proper Fucking Mental'.

We did have a breakthrough today though - I managed to get her to go in a downward direction on an escalator and she was most surprised to find she was still alive at the bottom..... evil things those downward escalators...

On Wednesday 20 December 2006 at 00:53, carly in the defence section said:

Matt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not on Crack, but i often i wish i was!!!!! It would give me a reason being how i am!!!

Anyway I was meant to tell you something... I was trying to trick my borthers mate into thinking i was my brother on msn, anyway he guessed it was me as Craig doesn't use exclamation marks to the excess that i do!!! lol!

Rach knows me well now and she has supported me well in my carly against crack situation!!! It is true, I went down an escaltor, it was my first in years. She got in a big stress with me and dragged me down it!!!!

When I went to see Take that I had to go down an escaltor to get out, but i refused and had to be escorted down some stairs. It took ages to find my friends again. I was ashamed and scared! But now i have done it!!!! yeah!!!

I went down an escalater! I can't even spell it as I hate them so much i would never give it the time to look it up in the dictionary!

Anyway, tommorow i will record the nigel song and all will be good!!! Has anyone got any jingle bells?

On Wednesday 20 December 2006 at 11:12, Dorri said:

Hmmmmmmm crack... Sweet tasting, toe curling, teeth rotting, mellow attitude making crack... Hmmmmm, top tip the first hit is always free, because dealers are nice like that, find a new dealer each day to knock £150 off a £500 a week habit

On Wednesday 20 December 2006 at 11:13, Dorri said:

Can somebody lend me some money?

On Wednesday 20 December 2006 at 12:03, carly said:

ok guys, all done!!! After about ten minutes I have composed and recorded the Nigel song! Enjoy. Happy christmas!

http://www.esnips.com/doc/b78dcebd-b32f-4afe-b35d-8c683f22e429/nigel

On Wednesday 20 December 2006 at 13:29, carly said:

i have never taken crack and i never plan too! Imagine what i would be like on any type of non prescription drugs!!!! I don't think it would be a very good idea

On Wednesday 20 December 2006 at 17:12, Matt said:

Dorri, I've heard it can be a bit more-ish, if you know what I mean.

Carly, I think it would be an excellent idea.

On Wednesday 20 December 2006 at 17:37, carly said:

I have a very addictive personality so i know i will get addicted and then i may die!

On Wednesday 20 December 2006 at 18:33, Dorri said:

HA! Crack addictive never

On Thursday 21 December 2006 at 01:17, CARLY said:

Crack is addictive isnt it? Even if its not i am sure i will become addicted. I got addicted to Busted, locking doors, green food, glitter, sean of the dead, girls aloud, lights, busses, the sea, new castle brown, pork scratchings, oh the list is endless, each day or week sees a new obsession! Today has been sewing. wierd!!!

On Thursday 21 December 2006 at 01:19, carly said:

If i did take some random drugs then i think it would need to be documented, as i amsure it will be strange and disturbing! I honestly can't imagine me on drugs! I think i would be me, but 100% enhanced!!!! Just give me a guitar and a room of flashing lights and glitter and i will be fine. Just make sure that i get home or if i stay out then make sure i am still alive!!!

On Thursday 21 December 2006 at 13:04, Charlie says....... said:

Fo shizzle my nizzles, which Columbian cartel made dis forum rock central you knizzle ? I sees it on the streets of Tamerton Foliot, dere is open gang warfizzle in Peverizzle - the hoods of south central Plymstock are a blaze (blizzle ?). Harmony my brothers and sisters, don't let the rock make you rock wiv a glock. Rollin' with a pipe and a 9 ain't so fine no mo mo'fo's.

Anywhizzle for a Horlicks (izzle) ?

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