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- 00:54 on 25 Dec by Carly
Happy Christmas!!! 0
- 09:26 on 02 Nov by Neo
Shopping at Office (The shoe shop in Drake Circus) 4 - 14:22 on 04 Oct by Carly
What we would have looked like in the 70's! 4 - 21:12 on 29 Sep by Mark
Five Questions I Constantly Ask Which I'm Not Sure I'll Ever Know The Answers To 14 - 14:34 on 24 Sep by Kate
I wanted a pet kitten... 6 - 19:45 on 17 Sep by Mark
One Sentence(ish) Album Reviews 4 5 - 13:00 on 09 Sep by Mark
In The News 17 - 13:13 on 19 Aug by Mark
New Fantasticos Web Site 9 - 16:03 on 08 Aug by Neo
Kelp! I need some body Kelp!! 5 - 14:34 on 14 Jul by Ol
Harmless fun.... 4
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Listen To Yourself
Another classic from XKCD. (by Mark) -
I Haven't Lived A Perfect Life
But there's one thing of which I'm proud... (by Mark) -
The Rut
Occasional toons. (by Mark) -
The Onion Sunday Magazine
Excellent. (by Mark) -
GTA IV vs Real Life
A photo comparison of GTA IV's Liberty City and the real New York. (by Bill)
Yet another rant about driving
By Mark on Wednesday 23 August 2006 at 18:08
Mrs 'Even If I Had 7 Kids My Car Would Still Be Way Too Big':
Twat in a big jeep: Oh no, it's raining slightly. To be safe, I'd better pull into the fast lane and slow down to 40mph. I'm sure no-one will want to go any faster than that today.
Me: Please fucking crash now, so the rest of us can enjoy a couple of weeks of getting to work on time, while you try to get another ridiculously over-sized offroad vehicle (that apparently can't handle a light drizzle) out of your insurance company. If you die in the crash, that will be a bonus, although it's unlikely, as your car is so massive it could probably withstand a direct nuclear attack.
Mr Erratic:
Mr Erratic: 52mph is perfectly fast enough for anyone to be driving.
Me: Christ this guy's driving slowly; I'll pull out and overtake him.
Mr Erratic: Actually now I fancy driving at 100mph (accelerates wildly and undertakes me through the tiny gap between my car and a truck).
Me: Right, fine.
2 minutes later I catch up with him, doing about 55 again, this time in the fast lane, with a load of cars queueing behind him. Then he suddenly speeds up again, leaving them all standing, then swerves in front of two lanes of traffic and off a slip road.
Mr 'I Pull Out Way, Way Too Early'
Mr Too Early: I can see a truck 15 miles ahead - better pull out into the fast lane now, going ever so slightly faster than it, so it takes me 20 minutes to actually overtake it and pull in. Even though there are cars behind me that would have been past in seconds.
Everyone Else: That's just fucking ideal. Twat.
If I never have to drive again it will be too soon. Really.
Comments are now closed for this entry.
17 comments:
On Wednesday 23 August 2006 at 18:29, Rach said:
Another lovely relaxing drive to work today, dear?!
On Wednesday 23 August 2006 at 21:00, jason said:
I think you need to have a f**king big gun on the front of your car
On Wednesday 23 August 2006 at 21:09, Matt said:
Just put your foglights on (or dipped headlights), even though its daytime. People just seem to get out your way then. Try it.
* Although this practise has worked for me in the past, it was while driving a massive Merc. I'm not too sure if the Polo will have the, umm, presence for it. Oh yeah, or a thug behind the wheel.
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 00:36, Al said:
Thank god I'm not gonna be driving for a year..well not here anyway...
I remember when I got back from Uni this summer. I hadn't driven for about 4 months, I get home and go out to drive to Plymouth..I'd say I had road rage after after 10 minutes of driving!
What PISSESS ME OFF THE MOST!!!! is people who drive way toooo close to your car..CAN U DRIVE ANY CLOSER TO MY ARSE U C**T! That winds me, as do Boy fucking Racers..man I loved to have a gun in my car....I'd be in arrested though for about a million homicides in the space of an hour.
Hope the Police don't read this blog
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 08:47, skank said:
here ya are this always works for me... cane it up behind them really fast while flashing your lights, hang about 2 yards behind them - less if you can - and then when they look bemused in the rear mirror flash your lights again and make wanker gestures. it may sound extreme but it works. especially if its Mrs Twat in a big jeep. As you know Mr Erratic isn't paying attention to anyone else as is Mr pull out too early so it doesn't always work.
The thing is these people are probably a bit dappy in real life anyway - they should issue licences based on how much spacial awareness and consideration you have. I remember bein a passenger with my dad last year and he gave me road rage even though I was in the same car as him. He is definitley Mr Erratic...
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 08:50, skank said:
...and al, whats wrong with boy racers? at least they don't hold you up and slam on the breaks on EVERY SLIGHT CORNER!!! just let em by... its the doddery wankers doin 40mph everywhere - including 30mph zones and dual carriageways. snow ploughs on front of cars, thats what we need...
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 11:20, skank said:
oh shit... am i one of 'them'?
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 12:59, Andy Beagles said:
I had exactly the same thought recently when taking an 8 hour drive back from oxford. Yep - 8 hours. One of those dumb bastards actually died on the M4 and so they closed it. THEY CLOSED THE M4. Between two junctions. That's about 8 miles. And you know what they did with all that traffic? They routed it through a small village about 20 miles outside of bristol. 3 lanes of one of the busiest motor ways in the country, routed down to one lane, through a small village, full of traffic lights. I ended up getting out of my car and sitting on the roof before singing “THERE WERE TEN GERMAN BOMBERS IN THE AIR!!! THERE WERE TEN GERMAN BOMBERS IN THE AIR!!! THERE WERE TEN GERMAN BOMBERS, TEn GERMAN BOMBERS, TEN GERMAN BOMBERS IN THE AIR!!!!" (to be sung to the tune and rythm of 10 green bottles).
I got a few people to join in but most just stared in bewilderment. I've got a tactic for getting these assholes out of the way though; flash your lights and honk your horn repeatedly until they crash/pull over/cry. It actually works; try it, you may like it! loves xx
Oh, and soz i missed yer gig guys... had a praccy with me band on the same night
Next time...
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 13:01, Andy Beagles said:
Oh, and if you're curious; the other part of the song is:
“AND THE R.A.F. OF ENGLAND SHOT ONE DOWN!!! AND THE R.A.F. OF ENGLAND SHOT ONE DOWN!!! AND THE R.A.F. OF ENGLAND, THE R.A.F. OF ENGLAND, THE R.A.F. OF ENGLAND SHOT ONE DOWN!!!"
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 13:19, Mark Bell said:
I remember singing that song on a coach back to Taunton with several of Bar's very drunken mates (after the wedding)... actually come to think of it that was just before they made us get off the bus.
On the driving front, I'm getting one of these. On a turret.
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 14:17, skank said:
other option, print a sign- written backwards with 'get out of my way you c**t' and another one saying 'where the f**k did you learn to drive? tosser' then flip it at them dumb ass twats as you zip by at 90mph...
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 16:19, Concerned Driver said:
I don't know how to do links on this page but everyone should check out this great book!
http://www.roadtripamerica.com/read/The-Bad-Drivers-Handbook.htm
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 16:34, I Like Flashey Things said:
Ooh, ooh ooh, get one of these for your car! Maybe they will let you make up your own messages?!
http://littlecartnoodles.blogspot.com/2005/09/electronic-bumper-stickers.html
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 17:00, Someone who works in the dockyard said:
We've got a few of these just lying around at work, Mark. Want me to swipe you one?
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 17:06, Mark said:
Hmm yeah, that would do the trick. Might have to uprate the old shock absorbers slightly though...
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 19:05, skank said:
you've got some of them 'just lying around'? shit!! i'll have one. might start my world domination progr... er... i mean have it as a talking point in the living room...
On Thursday 24 August 2006 at 20:31, Mr Erratic said:
Piss off you “I like to drive at a reasonably consistent speed” twats.